The Ego, humility and confidence

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Capsaicin
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The Ego, humility and confidence

Post by Capsaicin » Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:37 am

I remember reading a great article from the old forums about the Ego. I can't recall who posted or wrote it but it was very endearing to me. So at that time I began to have the need to put others before myself. In what I mean , I would help people whenever I could. I would always listen to others and so fourth.

Now I recently got turned down by a girl I really liked. Killing the ego and being humble doesn't seem like an attraction that girls like or at least not when you're getting to know them. So my question is, I could care less about the Ego since I've been through more life experiences now. But Humility and Confidence , are clashing for me. I don't like to be the center of attention or loud. But apparently confident people take space, make themselves known which may include being loud etc

I seem to fall into the nice guy,approval seeking type. I don't like it but it's been like this maybe after my first ex. Before I was very confident in life and in regards to women.

Hopefully my words did not confuse you. I'm just looking for life advice in improving/refining my character. I went out with this girl 5 times and I felt the need to become physical with her. Instead I confessed my feelings, left myself in a vulnerable spot ( felt like crap for about 2 weeks after) and now realizing that I shouldn't have said anything.

Any advice on females will greatly be appreciated. I easily became her friend but there was an element that I felt out because I was playing it really cool cause I didn't want to turn her away or off.
"The white man says, there is freedom and justice for all. We have had "freedom and justice," and that is why we have been almost exterminated. We shall not forget this. " -Tecumseh

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(1.1.2.3.5...)^inf
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Re: The Ego, humility and confidence

Post by (1.1.2.3.5...)^inf » Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:59 pm

Im re-reading Journey to Ixtlan at the moment. I think the lessons Carlos describes in those first few chapters might be to your interest. Carlos had similar questions of Don Juan to what you describe. Id rather not put my interpretation on it just now - maybe later.

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(1.1.2.3.5...)^inf
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Re: The Ego, humility and confidence

Post by (1.1.2.3.5...)^inf » Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:03 pm

Maybe rethink your relationship in terms of your evolutionary history. To love you she's evolved to assess your strength, power, caring personality, honesty, humour, adaptability, compatability of immune system etc. to give your whole self to bringing up her kids. Give too much though and you risk being a cuckold or missing out on spreading your wild oats.

Bringing up kids is selfless in that family demands your full focus on being the best dad. But then its selfish because you're out to get the best chance of spreading your genes/memes.

Love makes sense in the context of why its there in the first place.

Humans are only sometimes monogamous. We are a very adaptive species when it comes to love.
Last edited by (1.1.2.3.5...)^inf on Tue Nov 05, 2013 5:24 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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(1.1.2.3.5...)^inf
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Re: The Ego, humility and confidence

Post by (1.1.2.3.5...)^inf » Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:32 pm

There's a lot of girls out there and there are a few decades available to you to find one you get on well with if that is your desire. Have fun, be kind as much as you can, take it seriously when its time but dont take it too seriously when if it risks being damaging to you.

Dont listen to me either. My relationship with my wife is only one way of coping with love and probably doesnt apply to you at all! My wife and I both carry enough scars from previous relationships and from trying to get with the right partner that we can't be bothered to be hurtful to each other. Its easier to care for each other and our children for the time being and that might be as long as our health lasts.

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Metanoian
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Re: The Ego, humility and confidence

Post by Metanoian » Tue Nov 05, 2013 6:24 pm

I think it's more about a healthy confidence, rather than a false sense of it by being conceited and selfish.

I'm similar in that when I get close to someone, my feelings come pouring out. Which makes you feel very vulnerable and can be a bit too much for some people.

The ego is a necessary component of the human experience. It's a fine goal to want to control it and not let it dominate your life, but it's more about balance than anything.
Pulled and kneaded like salt water taffy.

Interconnecting peoploids, like tinker toy ferris wheels, rotating counterclockwise for eternity.

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Capsaicin
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Re: The Ego, humility and confidence

Post by Capsaicin » Fri Nov 15, 2013 1:13 am

Thanks everyone for the input. One thing I learned recently is that if you live like you're already dead then life almost become exciting. Exciting in the fact that you accept everything as it is. And you forget the troubles or small things that are monkeys on your back. It takes some imagination, cause I played out some scenarios in my head and the freedom it left was truly sweet.
"The white man says, there is freedom and justice for all. We have had "freedom and justice," and that is why we have been almost exterminated. We shall not forget this. " -Tecumseh

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