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Please help! Confusing FIRST Sally trip!

Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 5:02 am
by nik321
Info about me

Im going to start off by saying, please read everything! I know this trip report I am about to tell you is a bit long and you might think it seems boring. But i ask of you to please, please keep on reading until the very end, as I am very confused, angry, going a bit mental, and just everything but satisfied?

Ok, because I dont want to keep you here reading forever, I will try to shorten my post as much as I can.

I will start from the very start so you guys might have an idea of what might of happened and why.



Pre-Bong Salvia Prep

I sort of got rushed into taking the salvia. I discovered this drug beyond 10 of my friends. I hyped it up so much, I actually convinced 10 people who had never taken a psychedelic before, to take Salvia for there first time! I have done weeks of research on Salvia. Basically, I was 110% prepared (Well at least I thought I was at the time)
But every time it was my turn to do the bong of Salvia, I would pass it! I had heared what happens on Salvia and I knew that as soon as I inhaled, that was too late. I would be seeing everything I had read about... I was nervous as HELL! I wasnt sure what I was about to see....

So after about 2 hours of my friends preassuring me into it saying shit like "Go on mate, we have all done it. You are the one who told us about it anyway!"

BUT at the same time!!! I was ready to let ANYTHING happen! I was sort of expecting to me transported into this 3D world where I could sort of walk around a bit... Look around and stuff, maybe speak to a few greater beings... But at the same time I told myself, I am going to accept ANYTHING that is about to happen... No matter what happens Nik (my name), sit back and enjoy it because it will be over in 5 minutes either way!

Ok so...



Doing the Salvia Bong

I put the bong to my mouth with half a nut (just more than a penny size) of Salvia x20 to my mouth and had my normal lighter ready (As we had no wind proof one)

I sat starring down for 2 minutes relaxing myself, then out of nowhere I lit it!! Like I didnt think about lighting it... I just did it! Because it was either now or never... Fuck it! Lets do this shit! Im going into the army soon and I cant even take a hit of Salvia! What a faggot! So bam! I just did it (Keep in mind, it has taken me 2 days to come to this conclusion as I didnt smoke it the night before either because I didnt think I was ready)

BASICALLY! When that bong got handed to me, I shit myself! You could say I was so nervous to see what I was about to see!! Nobody knew what I was going to see besides me! And I wasnt sure what I was going to see!!! Nerves we're all over the place! I actually remember shaking before taking the Sally... (But PLEASE keep in mind, I was ready to accept literally fucking anything!)

So I lit the Salvia (Kept the lighter on it as we only had a normal lighter) and toked it until all the Salvia had gone. I sat back on the sofa and held it in for 20 seconds!



The Trip!

As I sat back on the sofa and held it in... Nothing at first... Then after about 5 seconds I could feel it taking over quite quickly! The junk I was starring at infront of me (Old boxes and stuff as we was in a Garage), textures on them started warping and wiggling and just going all weird! I felt pressure around my brain! Not a hurting pressure but a feeling where I remember saying in my head (Oh, this is definitely the Salvia kicking in!)

It felt as if I was flying away!! Backwards and a diagnol upwards! Imagine a film shot where the helicopter is flying backwards and the camera is looking at the thing you are flying away from! I felt like the camera! It felt as if I was flying away looking at what I was flying away from....

And then thats it??????????????????????????????????????? I dont remember ANYTHING!!!!

No speaking to Gods? No seeing 3D enviroments? No paper airplanes flying in and out of the entire world... No nothing... Nothing I have ever EVER read about a Salvia trip was true :S

It is like everybody has been lieing to me! I now realise everybody's explanation of Salvia is completely inaccurate...

I have read that in a Salvia trip there is no concept of left and right... Well no shit! Thats only because you dont THINK about left and right!!

Its like a dream!! In a dream you dont go, oh look a nice path to my left, a nice path to my right... You don't THINK about left and right! That is why left and right dont exist... Because in salvia trip you do NOT control what you do! I NOW understand this!

I thought id be going somewhere, where I could walk around and freely make decisions... Boy was I wrong!!

Any way back to the trip!

Ok so As I said I remember flying away (At this point I knew why I was feeling like that... Because of the Salvia right...)

Well out of fucking knowhere... Going from that, pretty much instantly without warning... All my knowledge of EVERYTHING had gone...

I couldnt remember ANYTHING!!!! I didnt think about where I lived, where I grew up, who my mum and dad are... I didnt know anything... All I knew was it felt I was going to feel like this FOREVER!!

I will tell you what "this" was in a second... But it felt like I was going to be there FOREVER! And I wasnt sure why... I just sort of accepted that... But at the same time I was like, Oh fuck no! I cant stay like this forever! Get me off, get me out! make this stop! this feels extremely weird!!!

All I remember seeing was like... Reality hitting me :S If that makes sense!! Like not punching me... But like...

Please understand this is VERY hard for me to explain as I dont remember anything! That is my question! Why do I read all these reports of people remembering they spoke to gods and ran around in green grass meadows and stuff like that!!

All I remember was like... I was spinning round on fuck knows what... But instead of ME spinning round like I would be sat on a roller coaster... reality was spinning round :S Well...

I definitely was no longer in the garage! As I remember everything being really colorful... I dont remember ever seeing stuff, more like motion blur! Where your trying to explain a dream the next day that you have forgotten! You cant picture the enviroment in your head! But you sort of can!! Its like that!!

I think I remember seeing a face! Or a red figure????? I even think I recall us being the simpsons!! I really cant remember :(

But yeah... I didnt know what was going on, reality just kept coppying itself!!!

I remember being in the trip! And feeling as if I was being copied! Like imagine 1 second of your life passing... And then rewing 1 second, and then going 1 second, and then rewind 1 second! I think it felt like that!!

because while in my trip after I felt it the first time, I remember going... Oh ive been here before!! But I could have been because I wasnt anywhere!!!! Stuff was just happening really really quickly!!

Imagine getting an A4 peice of paper, and putting your vision on that! So what ever You can see threw your eyes, was on this peice of paper! It felt like this!! When I say paper its also because it felt as if everything was flat!! My whole world was just 2D view of my eyes... like a peice of paper (objects still had depth to them... but my VISION was flat 2D) if that makes sense... It felt as if a screen was being put infront of my eyes!

And being put over my eyes over and over and over again!! Like I said it is really hard for me to explain!

At one point I THINK I remember realising what was happening because my mate who wasnt tripping said Your tripping on salvia! And I heared that and i was like OH YEAH SHIT!!! In my head! Because like I said I had forgotten what was happening! I just knew it was happening... And when I remember realising, I tried relaxing and closing my eyes!

It felt as if my top half of my body stayed the same! And my legs stretched out infinitely as my legs were still being copied!! Please dont think im insane! Im trying my best to explain my trip!

One thing i DO remember definitely though was, seeing the couch we was all sat on from behind!! It didnt have any detail! It was just sort of the shape of the couch and just green (no detail, just the colour green) as reality was hitting me, i was sort of (picture this!)

You are sat on the couch! And your spirit keeps trying to enter your body by running up behind and jumping into your back! But everytime it failed, so time rewound itself and my spirit would try again!!

Can anybody relate to me?????? And How come I dont remember my trip!!! I only remember leaving and entering reality!!

Oh, and the most scariest part of the entire experience... Was DEFINITELY!! When i was no longer tripping... I was in reality... But everything felt fake... It felt as If I had made up my whole life and my whole life was a lie and nothing mattered... I wanted to kill myself! I genuinely was scared I was stuck in a trip (in reality) forever and this felt horrible! I thought all my friends we're fake and they was just sort of my imagination! I couldnt decide the fate of reality with my mind... But it felt as if my subconsciousness was making up all my friends and life as we know it!

It felt like a screen was infront of my eyes and nothing was real or mattered!

Re: Please help! Confusing FIRST Sally trip!

Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 5:11 am
by nik321
BASICALLY!!!

How on earth can anybody find healing from this???

I didnt have time to speak to entities or explore 3D enviroments or be enlightened!!

I just remember everything happening so damn fast!!! Like, I smoked it.. Flew away! Forgot I smoked it... Was being copied back into reality!

OH MY FUCKIGN GOD IVE JUST REMEMBERED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right!!! Imagine your being copied yeah and its going on and on and you think your going to be like that way forever!!!!

Then I remember smoking salvia (while im tripping still)

And the copieing slows down!!! gets less aggressive!! And i start to realise this is going to end soon! Just relax, calm down... And thats when my legs started being copied and not my top half!

Re: Please help! Confusing FIRST Sally trip!

Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 6:55 am
by 2ofme
In my opinion you made some mistakes.

Salvia in a group of 10 people while amped up and nervous.
Penny sized bong hit of 20x.
You went into it expecting something.

You overdosed while in a uncomfortable situation!

Salvia is not for everyone. If you dont feel the need or want to do it again then dont!!

I smoked way to much one of my first times and can relate to what happened to you. The spinning and the thought that I was stuck there forever. I accepted death!!

The parts I can really relate to and is actually one of the main reasons I keep going back is this. "I was in reality... But everything felt fake... It felt as If I had made up my whole life and my whole life was a lie and nothing mattered..." " I genuinely was scared I was stuck in a trip (in reality) forever and this felt horrible! I thought all my friends we're fake and they was just sort of my imagination!" "But it felt as if my subconsciousness was making up all my friends and life as we know it!"

These feelings and thoughts got my attention and I made it a mission to find out what this was about. At a lower dose of at the most a small pinch of 10x I can explore these feelings while there and comunicate with beings or spirits or it might just be myself. To high of a dose and Im spinning and scared!

Ive never had the green grass or walking around a carnival type trip. I still struggle to remember what happens. I see things for sure but they cant be explained here. The best I can do is say my environment there looks like the inside of a mouth or the inside of our cheeks. Pink or sometimes orangeish color and wet looking. Im in sometype of dome and the walls and ceiling look like the skin on the inside of our cheeks. I dont see the floor and I swim or float more so than walk. Communication is telepathic and the beings are allways just to my left or right. I dont talk with them standing right in front of me and cant get a good look to describe them.

I havnt figured out anything and have not been enlightened!

Can you tell us a little about yourself? How old are you?

Re: Please help! Confusing FIRST Sally trip!

Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 8:36 am
by salvialover24
The main "mistake" you might have done is to begin with 20X. When people asks me, I always suggest to start from 1X, that is the natural (dry) leaves. Often they feel nothing, and I suggest they increment the salvinorine concentration very slowly. Just a mini-pinch of 5X on the top of the leaves, or a mixture of 5X with 1X, but it is not a good idea to start directly with a quite strong extract. Salvia is non toxic, and this encourages vendors to sell things like 10X, 20X up to 60X (above 70X you get normally pure salvinorine, but it depends on the starting concentration of the leaves and the extraction method). It is basically useless to take more than 5X, except perhaps for some people abnormally non sensitive, if that exists. The main advantage of going slowly is that you can realize that you are not ready for the trip, before going through, which is a non pleasant experience when not ready. To start with 20X can be *very* confusing, especially if you are quite sensitive. Once you have an experience, you can develop reverse tolerance, and diminish the dose. After five years of regular use, 1X makes the same effect than 10X at the beginning, for SWIM. Now, your trip reports seems rather typical: the 2D view (quite common), the feeling to be copied (see the MAX thread), the feeling it is irreversible and that you will stay there forever, the feeling everything in your life is fake, the amnesia, the reality rotation, etc.
You just took far too much, especially for a start. You took the risk to be disgusted from salvia. Then the setting might not have been great. 10 people is too much. A garage might not be enough comfortable. The mindset was not famous too, as you eventually did it because you felt obliged to do it, which is a nonsensical motivation. So, if you want come back on salvia, I would suggest a much lower dose, in a silencious (or with very cool music if you need music), with few people to sit you. Salvia is not fun. It is fun for some people, rarely immediately, and only because they have some spiritual questions. At some point a dialog with entities can develop, but all that asks for patience, and some respect for the plant. It is quite rare that salvia gives much of "herself" in the first trip, "she" needs to study you before, somehow.

Re: Please help! Confusing FIRST Sally trip!

Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 5:42 am
by Thebian
Nik:

Firstly, worry not about yourself or your mental health as a result of this trip! I promise you you're fine! What you describe sounds very much like a routine Salvia breakthrough - My own breakthroughs are mostly blackouts as well, I have not been able to remember many details aside from similar shades of your own. I remember going out, coming back in, and a couple of details of the strangeness of the deja-vu/amnesia of the state.

But your experience brings up something that a lot of people don't realize is so important. Yes, salvia takes a half an hour or less of your life. But the salvia journey doesn't end there - Integration is ongoing. This can be difficult with confusing trips, but I assure you there's plenty to be learned from your harrowing time and surely some positivity to come.

Firstly, as you mention, you had the experience of accepting death. Perhaps this wasn't what you expected it would be, perhaps you didn't really sign up for anything like that, but nevertheless it happened. This can be a spiritually-strengthening experience to go through, and you may find that many struggles in your life will be far easier, less anxiety-inducing, less scary, because after all - whatever happens in the day-to-day, you've been to the realms of death and back.

Even if there's no clear "lesson" from the experience - and there often isn't a clear lesson, it's really up to us to integrate and learn as best we can - Merely by the change in ordinary reality, very valuable questions come up which are worth looking at. The questions of self are forefront. "What am I?" "Who am I?" "Where am I?"

You experienced being separate from your body. So you know you aren't your body. You experienced losing all memory of your past, your family, your friends, your life. So you know you aren't your memories. Regular perception was taken away from you, so you know you aren't what you see, feel, and hear. Your ability to think as you normally do was also taken away, or changed radically. So you know you are not your thoughts. You are not your ego, you are not your opinions, your tastes, or your sense of humor. Your experience of being a "single self" was changed as you felt yourself being copied over and over and over - and you know those copies are no more you than anything else. So what ARE you then??

You are that which experienced all of the above. The witness to the whole of the experience. In eastern philosophy there's a beautiful way of looking at the self - That there is only one self, one witnesser, and we all share it deeply, and it is in every life and every piece of the cosmos. So rather, it's not that you're "none of the above" - more that you're ALL of the above. You are your body, your house, your family, your friends, your enemies, the world, the whole cosmos. And so is every one else. We are all God in fragments, who have forgotten that we are God. We live so that we may grow, and in death when we return to the Godhead we bring gifts of experience, dreams, things that couldn't have existed without the dance of chaos that generates our lives. Everything we see is a hallucination. "Consensus reality" itself is an ongoing hallucination, a shared hallucination, a reality called consensus merely because we are all humans which have inherited similar brains and perceptions, because we grow up in a society with a language that defines the world in particular ways. There's no such thing as "normal" - the universe may purely be energy, the only thing real is music, and we're all notes in it.

In Oaxaca where Salvia grows they call it "Ojos de la Pastora" - the eyes of the shepherdess. Look through her eyes and you begin to remember that which we forgot when we came into human life.

Thanks for sharing your trip with us, I wish you good integration and all the best going forward!

Re: Please help! Confusing FIRST Sally trip!

Posted: Thu Mar 21, 2013 1:20 am
by AkashicRecord
That was a really great post Thebian. Thanks for this. :)

Re: Please help! Confusing FIRST Sally trip!

Posted: Fri Mar 22, 2013 4:53 am
by WOND3RBOY
I second that, Thebian. Couldn't have said it much better myself. I don't know if it's just swim, but he had a hell of a time with integration...By no means were his experiences bright and cheery. Swim feels that he's witnessed mostly the negative side of salvia...his initial experiences were characterized by gripping sensations of fear and terror; the trip overall having a sinister atmosphere. That is not to say that all of swim's trips were bad. His initial breakthrough was very intriguing, and experimenting with low doses definitely helped swim learn how to stay "here" while also maintaining a connection "there". But swim would like to reiterate that there is always a bright side...so despair not, if you have not yet found the light...keep on searching.

Re: Please help! Confusing FIRST Sally trip!

Posted: Thu Mar 28, 2013 9:18 am
by protoastron
I too know where you are coming from, this trip reminds me of my second experience with Salvia 40x. My first took place the night before and was only a small pinch, so I would not lose my lucidity wake some of my household. I sat against a wall began to feel as though I was inside an octagonal prism. Four sides would be in my vision if I could see them, the other four were behind me going through the wall out into the hall. These corners seemed to not effect my vision at all, instead I could only sense them. It was an odd sensation, as I was quite aware of their presence but could not see them. During this trip most of my lucidity remained intact, although everything felt slightly usual and "off". In addition I felt slightly spaced out and some what awestruck to the potency of salvanorin.

The following day I smoked early in the morning soon after I had awoken this time I had unknowingly overdosed and was quite scary, I can't remember anything after I held it for about 15 seconds. The next thing I knew I was back in my girlfriend's room facing our waterpipe, the room swayed and shook. I'd like to describe reality at moment in time as slippery and hard to grasp. I remembered thinking something along the lines of, "Is this Salvia? I just smoked some herb I bought off of a stranger in Camden.". The moment felt like a game, and I felt weak and hot. I took my top off due to the heat I believe that's the hottest I'd ever been in my life. I was completely covered in sweat though it was hard to tell at the time.

Thinking back to it reminds me of the carnival, perhaps there is something about the motion. I announced that, "I didn't like it" to my girlfriend in a commonly slurred and unclear manner and she gave my a tight hug, which made me feel better, and some water. I spilt the water over my chest (my cognition often becomes impaired) but it felt cool and soothing. The effects subsided quickly and I had a rather nice afterglow and my thoughts were fixed on the experience. I was heavily frustrated that I couldn't remember because I was still very curious as to the effects of Salvia. Now I am somewhat glad the experience was amnesic, as I imagine it too be too intense and shocking for a second time.

We also recorded the experience (for personal use only :D ). Watching it is kind of disturbing, my body is clumsy and unsure of its self. The dissociation is clear and my body moves without me telling it to do so. Interestingly our pet cat was in the room. In the footage I asked "Who is that". Perhaps is has something to do with ego death and trying to re understand the ego.

Since then I have used Salvia on about three different occasions at significantly lower doses. I am still yet to breakthrough, but I have seen reality as a mask, heard voice inaudible voice in the distance, experienced confusion in a very pure form, and heard music warp around and talk to me. Salvia is a very interesting substance and I look forward to using it in the future, I don't really have much urge to at the moment though.

Ps Sorry for rambling, but I found this fun to write.

PPs I should probably write in my journal more often.

Re: Please help! Confusing FIRST Sally trip!

Posted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 4:21 am
by salvialover24
Thanks for your report protoastron. You did probably breakthrough, but when breaking through with potent extract, it is harder to remember. Yet it is a good training, and later you can break through more easily with less potent dose, and be less amnesic. That does not always help, it can depend on your level of acceptance of "abandoning the little ego" (something like that). Good idea to have a journal, but don't expect too much to recall an experience through the reading of an older experience. You can develop a better memory, but it remains "intellectual" somehow, and always refuted by the next experience.
Amnesia has its role and function, it is part of the experience, if not the reason why we can come back from "there". Feel free to put your experience on youtube, personally I am very glad when people does that. The more swim smokes salvia, the more he recognized himself, or him-higher-self in the other salvianauts, even when they did not have the "right" motivation, if that means anything.
Salvia is a very interesting substance indeed, especially if you are interested in the theme of consciousness, realities, afterlife, personal identity, parallel lives, fundamental inquiry, etc.

Re: Please help! Confusing FIRST Sally trip!

Posted: Sun Mar 31, 2013 8:43 am
by protoastron
Oddly enough I went into using salvia at a time in my life when i was very existential and now i see myself become increasingly interested in the themes you listed above.
Interesting theory about memory. I've never really thought about memory as intellectual before, but in the context of saliva I could imagine what you mean.
I haven't watched those files in ages and I think some of them got corrupted. I always thought that uploading salvia trips onto youtube could only end badly on the legal front, but I suppose watching trips help educate me before taking salvia and now I'm empathic.

I also just noticed that,"It felt like a screen was in-front of my eyes and nothing was real or mattered!" sounds like a similar experience to "but I have seen reality as a mask" and I imagine it stems from low levels of dissociation still present which would cause one to reject their vision. Interestingly enough I dont remember audio weirding my out as much as my vision though.