1st Trip Report: SWIM is Superman? (LONG)

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piondeer
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1st Trip Report: SWIM is Superman? (LONG) -

Post by piondeer » Tue May 31, 2011 10:25 pm

This is very long. I realize I could have edited out a lot but I really wanted to give it a "you are there" feel. Thanks for your patience if you can make it all the way through.

***DISCLAIMER*** If you've never tried Salvia and reading this trip report compels you to do so, PLEASE think again and make sure you're making a clear decision. I DO NOT IN ANY WAY RECOMMEND THAT ANYONE TRY SALVIA UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. During SWIM's experience, he had several opportunities to back out before breaking through. His curiosity got the best of him but many days, he wishes he'd never taken that final bong hit. It was a profoundly disturbing experience that changed his life and mind irreversibly. He will NEVER be the same again. Such a drastic change in awareness can potentially cause severely negative consequences and SWIM has experienced many of them. So please, readers, BEWARE!

First, a little background. SWIM first heard about Salvia several years ago when researching another psychedelic compound, DXM. He browsed through the Erowid vault of trip reports, mostly focusing on DXM but taking note of Salvia and putting it on his "to do" list for a later date. He then proceeded to trip his ass off on DXM, but only just once because it seems he was unusually sensitive to it. He ended up having a two-week-long hangover including prolonged dissociation, "alien eyes," weird feelings of pressure in his skull, the constant need to cry, numerous "dark nights of the soul" and strange impulses to spontaneously chant in a guttural "language"' he didn't understand. He concluded that he was either not cut out for psychedelics or perhaps the opposite, destined to experiment with them. A number of subsequent synchronicities finally led him to believe the latter.

Cut to January, 2011. SWIM is in possession of a Salvia "starter pack" consisting of plain leaf, 5x, 10x and 20x. At this point, he's purposely neglected to read trip reports because he doesn't want his experience tainted by suggestion. He wants it to be as pure as possible. Other than a few mentions on Erowid, the only reference point he has is this video featuring visionary cartoonist Jim Woodring. From Jim's description, he knows the cover of reality will be torn off in some way and that it will not be "fun." He also knows the experience will only last a short period of time and that he'll need a trip sitter with good upper body strength (his wife will do).

SWIM first tries the quid method with re-hydrated plain leaf. He experiences nothing but a mouthful of nasty bitterness for 20 minutes and a workout for his gag reflex. Screw the quid, screw the leaf. He's now ready for extract. He's got his bong ready and is about to give it a go but then a creepy feeling overcomes him. He's having flashbacks to his protracted DXM experience and fears if this Salvia is as powerful as it sounds, it could be the thing that finally sends him to the loony bin.

Some days later, SWIM finally gets his courage up and portions out a .05g bowl of 5x. His heart is pounding with nervous anticipation. He holds the smoke in as long as he can, then exhales, expecting something big to come next. Instead, it's more subtle. It feels like the bed he's lying on has become a bed of soil. This feeling is reinforced when he closes his eyes. He feels like a giant hand is grabbing him around the waist and steadily but not forcefully pulling him down into the "dirt." His body feels hot and when he keeps his eyes closed, he can "see" a sort of upside-down triangular portal closing around the outside of where his field of vision would be if his eyes were open. The edges of the portal are lined with vines and leaves. The triangle is closing into a "Y" shape that looks a lot like the flux capacitor in the movie Back To The Future. He opens his eyes and it's gone. The downward pulling feeling has stopped but he feels like his ass is still halfway buried in the "soil." He feels like he needs to smoke some more Salvia in order to get pulled down the rest of the way.

He waits a few more minutes and things start to get back to normal. He loads up another bowl of 5x and lets it rip, this time with more confidence. Things get even weirder. His wife is sitting next to him on the bed, to the right of him. This time, he feels his body being pulled diagonally down and to the left, away from his wife. He feels like his reality or spatial dimension is "peeling off" of her's. It actually feels like he has somehow been "duplicated" and that even though he can clearly see his wife next to him, he is no longer fully part of her reality/dimension. He can talk to her and she can hear him but something seems very different. There is some sort of separation or boundary there that he can feel but not see. To his left, he senses a sheet, veil or curtain of some kind opening up just slightly. He feels that maybe he can slip into the "crack" if he smokes more Salvia. The pull still isn't strong enough. It seriously feels like a gateway to another dimension has zipped open on his left-hand side. His whole concept of physical space is changed forever. It seems like no matter where you are, these openings can be created if your brain is tuned into the right frequency. This is exactly the kind of thing SWIM was hoping to find! A few minutes later, the feeling begins to fade again. He knows he needs to smoke more Salvia in order to pass through the gateway.

Later, listening to the audio-recording he made of his session, he notices something very strange about this second 5x hit. At some point during the down-left diagonal pulling feeling, he can hear himself laughing spontaneously on the tape. It's a completely unselfconsious, snorting laugh, the kind he only makes when he's tickled or completely surprised by something funny. He's then heard saying (still half-laughing) "Somebody was on the..." and then quickly stops talking and laughing, almost as if he had suddenly switched back to his "normal identity/personality/version" of himself. He has absolutely no recollection of laughing or saying this. Perhaps his "salvia clone" that had peeled off from normal reality was able to peek his head/mind through the gap in the curtain of reality just briefly and saw something funny but his normal real-life identity/mind doesn't remember it.

SWIM isn't sure if more 5x will do it, so he loads up a .03g bowl of 10x. His heart is pounding again because he knows this will be the hit that pulls him through the gateway. He lights, inhales, holds, exhales. He suddenly feels like he's being pulled through some kind of vortex/tunnel/wormhole. It's a spiraling and pulsating vortex and it's rhythm is synchronized with the pounding pulse in his jugular veins. It's very similar to what he feels on nitrous oxide but unlike nitrous, this drug is definitely taking him somewhere. From this point on, the trip is divided into two versions that overlap one another: the audio-recording SWIM made and SWIM's memory of his experience. First, a transcript of the audio-recording. SWIM has absolutely no recollection of saying or doing most of these things:

SWIM makes a sudden, quick inhaling sound. It sounds involuntary and like what happens when a "spirit" enters the body of a supposed channeler.

SWIM: (indecypherable, jumbled, backwards-sounding speech)
lllllllledge-igonna-teethntoo

SWIM: T-t-tractors... Do I have to... What-What-What???

WIFE: (seeing he's massively distressed) It's OK.

SWIM: Where the ha... hell is... wha hap?
Come stroll, up to a fold! (This last sentence sounds quick and
curt like he's ordering someone around)

WIFE: (trying to reassure him again) It's OK. You're OK.

SWIM tries to get up out of bed.

SWIM: What the hell herm?

WIFE: (trying to get him back into bed) It's OK.

SWIM: Wa ma sol... (want my soul?)

WIFE: It's OK. You're OK. Come sit down.

SWIM: (in weird hypnotized-sounding voice) Yes

SWIM obeys and sits back down.

SWIM: (tremulous voice) This way my life will go d-differently, right?

WIFE: (thinking he's talking to her) What?
(seeing he's distressed and not talking to her) It'll be over soon. It's
gonna be over soon.

SWIM: Thalamus... Why me some... tabird... differ...
(trying to get up again, voice tremulous) Help me now...

SWIM seems to be coming back to reality. WIFE holds him.

WIFE: It's OK... it's OK. You're OK... you're OK. You're with me. It's OK.

SWIM: (casually) Oh, OK.
(then shouting so abruptly it startles the shit out of his wife who's
holding his head in her arms) AFTER SMOKING WHAT?!!! SAY WHAT
IT IS!!!! (very angry) SAY WHAT THE FUCK IT IS!!!!

WIFE: It's Salvia. It's OK. It'll be over in a minute.

SWIM: (still very upset) OK, you have to say THE FUCKING THING...

WIFE: Salvia. It's Salvia. It'll be over...

SWIM: (more relieved as he feels himself coming back) It's been a long
tiiiiiiime...

WIFE: It's only been a couple minutes. It's OK.

SWIM: (angry and frustrated again) How many more mix.. minutes?! Will you
fucking do it, hurry?!

WIFE: It'll be over soon.

SWIM: (still waiting impatiently to fully return to reality) How many seconds?!

WIFE: I don't know. It'll be soon... It'll be over soon...

SWIM: OK, you did this... (angry and yelling again) SAY THE THING!
What am I... Am I supposed to GET UP?! Am I supposed to WAKE UP?!
Am I supposed to WAKE THE FUCK UP?!

WIFE: No. It's Salvia. You're gonna wake up. You don't have to do anything.
It's OK.

SWIM: If you can s-say... (frustrated his wife is still holding him down) Put
your arm UP so I know that it's not...

WIFE: (not sure what he means) It's OK...

SWIM: (laughing a bit now realizing he's almost back in reality) OK, you don't
understand what's happening here...

WIFE: I do...

SWIM: (laughing again trying to show his wife how he has to untangle himself
from Salviaspace and how her arm is blocking him) You have to open
up this way... (speaking to the fading sense of a Salvia being) Still
not ready?... time for me yet?

I'll have to end there for now because I'm tired of typing and trying to transcribe all this. I'll post PART II soon where I'll finish transcribing the audio, describe what SWIM remembers about the actual trip and my thoughts on what it all means.
Last edited by piondeer on Sun Jul 17, 2011 5:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Removed some parts for personal reasons that don't really affect the entire trip report. A few replies here might make less sense because of it, though. Sorry. Added a disclaimer, too.

KiefSweat
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Re: 1st Trip Report: SWIM is Superman? (LONG) -

Post by KiefSweat » Tue May 31, 2011 10:36 pm

i can not begin to fathom the infinite space that salvia opens.


my mind is continuously obliterated

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Re: 1st Trip Report: SWIM is Superman? (LONG) -

Post by burningmouth » Wed Jun 01, 2011 12:10 am

piondeer,
That's one of the best trip reports I've ever read. The dialogue part was excellent. It reminded me of tvsuat in a way. Well written. Keep posting.

The ability to go back and hear what you were saying is a good way to sift through the amnesia. Loved the bit about the wheel and the clones.

Usually when someone says 'long post', I expect a borefest. Yours was entertaining and informative all the way through.

Why did you feel like you were superman? Your ability to encounter other dimensions?
Last edited by burningmouth on Wed Jun 01, 2011 12:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

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piondeer
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Re: 1st Trip Report: SWIM is Superman? (LONG) -

Post by piondeer » Wed Jun 01, 2011 2:00 am

burningmouth wrote:piondeer,
That's one of the best trip reports I've ever read. The dialogue part was excellent. It reminded me of tvsuat in a way. Well written. Keep posting.

The ability to go back and hear what you were saying is a good way to sift through the amnesia. Loved the bit about the wheel and the clones.

Usually when someone says 'long post', I expect a borefest. Yours was entertaining and informative all the way through.

Why did you feel like you were superman? Your ability to encounter other dimensions?

Thanks, bmouth. Coming from you, that's really a great compliment. Yes, the audio-recording was massively helpful. I listen to it regularly just to keep my memory fresh about this amazing experience. As for the Superman thing, I'll explain that in Part II. There's a lot to it but one part is that at some point SWIM became a Superman doll or action figure that seemed to belong to a young girl Salvia being who was playing with it as a toy. I'll try to post the next part soon. I'm glad you guys are enjoying it.

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Re: 1st Trip Report: SWIM is Superman? (LONG) -

Post by SixthWheel » Wed Jun 01, 2011 2:56 am

That was a great read, I also loved the bit about the wheel, it's interesting that that comment comes from before you read any reports. I'm also interested you mentioned thalamus, could that be a reference to the thalamus in your brain or its function?

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Re: 1st Trip Report: SWIM is Superman? (LONG) -

Post by equabilestudios » Wed Jun 01, 2011 5:42 am

piondeer wrote: There's a lot to it but one part is that at some point SWIM became a Superman doll or action figure that seemed to belong to a young girl Salvia being who was playing with it as a toy. I'll try to post the next part soon. I'm glad you guys are enjoying it.
DUDE! post this now!!! lol definitely subscribing to this one.

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piondeer
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Re: 1st Trip Report: SWIM is Superman? (LONG) -

Post by piondeer » Wed Jun 01, 2011 7:54 am

SixthWheel wrote:That was a great read, I also loved the bit about the wheel, it's interesting that that comment comes from before you read any reports. I'm also interested you mentioned thalamus, could that be a reference to the thalamus in your brain or its function?
Yeah, it's even crazier that the wheel came from SWIM's wife because she knew next to nothing about Salvia before taking it. She only knew the few things SWIM told her and didn't read anything about it on her own. SWIM kept telling her that it was supposed to be a super scary, hardcore, leaving-your-body experience and that she probably shouldn't do it, but she insisted on trying it anyway. When she came back from her trip, she was utterly shocked by what had happened to her. She had thought SWIM must have been exaggerating when he warned her about it but it turned out to be even crazier than she could have ever imagined. She did see the wheel and neither of SWIU knew a wheel was any part of this beforehand. When she told SWIM about it, he figured it was just something SHE saw but then HE saw a wheel in his trip, too. He thought the idea must have been planted in his head by her mentioning it, but when he later read trip report after trip report mentioning the wheel, he knew there was something to this. The wheel is real, people! But what does it mean??? I've since seen references to the "karmic wheel." Is this what SWIW are seeing?

The thalamus thing is really freaky. SWIM clearly said "thalamus," no doubt about it. It's good he recorded his trip because his wife doesn't even know what that word means and would have just thought it was gibberish. SWIM took a cognitive psych class back in college and had only a vague memory of what the thalamus was. He could only remember that it was some structure in the brain but wasn't sure of its function. He looked it up again after his trip and was blown away when he found out it's integral to perception and consciousness. Also, the "Come stroll, up to a fold" line seemed very weird. WTF was that about? Could he be talking about a fold in the cerebral cortex? SWIM wonders if he may have been given a tour of his own brain or consciousness system during his trip. He remembers nothing of this tour, unfortunately. The only (possible) evidence is on the recording.
Last edited by piondeer on Wed Jun 01, 2011 8:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: 1st Trip Report: SWIM is Superman? (LONG) -

Post by piondeer » Wed Jun 01, 2011 8:09 am

equabilestudios wrote:DUDE! post this now!!! lol definitely subscribing to this one.
I'll try to do it soon. I find it very draining to relay these experiences, so it takes me a while. I want to describe it as clearly as possible and that takes lots of brainpower. I want everyone to be able to understand these very personal, subjective things that are often abstract as hell. Let me just say, though, that according to SWIM, being a Superman doll was NOT fun, at least not in this instance. It was creepy as hell being a giant girl's toy. It was also upsetting for different reasons because it involves the plight of Superman being stuck on Earth far away from a home he can never go back to, which is actually pretty sad and tragic. Anyway, I'll do my best to explain it even though it will probably make SWIM seem like a bit of a self-important ass.
Last edited by piondeer on Wed Jun 01, 2011 8:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: 1st Trip Report: SWIM is Superman? (LONG) -

Post by equabilestudios » Wed Jun 01, 2011 2:25 pm

piondeer wrote:I'll try to do it soon. I find it very draining to relay these experiences, so it takes me a while. I want to describe it as clearly as possible and that takes lots of brainpower. I want everyone to be able to understand these very personal, subjective things that are often abstract as hell. Let me just say, though, that according to SWIM, being a Superman doll was NOT fun, at least not in this instance. It was creepy as hell being a giant girl's toy. It was also upsetting for different reasons because it involves the plight of Superman being stuck on Earth far away from a home he can never go back to, which is actually pretty sad and tragic. Anyway, I'll do my best to explain it even though it will probably make SWIM seem like a bit of a self-important ass.
No hurry man, this report is just great, I found myself wanting more. Usually I end up skipping out of threads lately. But this one is really well done. Keep up the good work.:)

"Come stroll, up to a fold"

probably my favorite image

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Re: 1st Trip Report: SWIM is Superman? (LONG) -

Post by AkashicRecord » Wed Jun 01, 2011 5:46 pm

piondeer wrote:I'll try to do it soon. I find it very draining to relay these experiences, so it takes me a while. I want to describe it as clearly as possible and that takes lots of brainpower. I want everyone to be able to understand these very personal, subjective things that are often abstract as hell. Let me just say, though, that according to SWIM, being a Superman doll was NOT fun, at least not in this instance. It was creepy as hell being a giant girl's toy. It was also upsetting for different reasons because it involves the plight of Superman being stuck on Earth far away from a home he can never go back to, which is actually pretty sad and tragic. Anyway, I'll do my best to explain it even though it will probably make SWIM seem like a bit of a self-important ass.
These reports are great. No rush. It is SUPER HARD to describe stuff like this and you did awesome.

Don't worry about the "self-important ass" bit. Everyone is important! 8-)
Last edited by AkashicRecord on Wed Jun 01, 2011 6:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
My brain is my computer, and DMT is my Internet.

"I am the Lord of the Double Wand of Power; the wand of the Force of Coph Nia—but my left hand is empty, for I have crushed an Universe; & nought remains."

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